Sacrifice is a word for a parent often used and that there never gets used. But a parent knows that a child needs attention and affection .... needs support and presence.
My first problem with being a separated father was just what they had not had an opportunity to provide constant support and presence to my son. Why? Because I was denied the opportunity to do so when after only 9 months of separation, which occurred after only one year of living with mother and son (the first year of the child), my ex has left the city in they both lived to bring my son to 800 km away.
It must be said that immediately after the separation we lived in two houses which is about 50 meters apart, which they both had steady work and safe and that I tried in every way to attend my son, despite the continuing barriers faced Postema ("is too small to be alone with you" , "two hours in a row is too much", "stay away from me is not used," were the responses of the mother). However, after a bit 'of insistence on my part, I gave "good" a couple of visits a week (one hour and a half and the other 4) and that only after the decision with temporary effect of the judge in the preliminary, I managed to get my son to be with 2 times during the week (for 2 consecutive hours) and good for 8 hours on Saturday or Sunday every other week alternate. Of course, unless illness or other kind of reasons that do not allow me to attend it properly. Too bad that after only two days from the decision, made at the end of June, the mother moved for the next two months vacation to 800 km was the first sign of separation and neglect by the mother to allow him to have a healthy relationship between father -son. That summer I worked very hard to figure out how to attend my son, but since I could not move quickly to 800 km in a few moments (even the transporter was not invented) the 2 visits per week are due to me forgetting, and less than less than 8 hours during the weekend. There remained the week of vacation that I could go with him but only attend to 6 consecutive hours per day, despite the short time I have not turned back and I spent one wonderful week with my son one year and a half to 800 km away, with the sole support of his paternal grandfather who accompanied me on the journey. Others I was not allowed!
During the months of impatience in going to court was a lot. I asked for joint custody (there was still 54/2006) at the suggestion of the lawyer, but my instinct would have directed toward the unique. But as I told the lawyer that: "... it is virtually impossible to grant sole custody to father a child so small, even if the mother should prove to be a bit of good." According to I never went, because the permanent transfer of 800 km was implemented in December (after just four months after returning from holiday with her) and has resulted in a formal shift of jurisdiction from the juvenile court of the Piedmont to the juvenile court of Lazio.
After that new and terrible trauma, losing for the second time my son away and finally, I tried to recover and survive. I tried anyway, despite the distance, to attend my son the best of my ability to pay. In the early days even my ex has tried to meet the difficulties I was experiencing (in addition to the allowance of maintenance and 50% of the extra expenses I had to bear the cost of travel) for Not to mention the physical and psychological stress. Nevertheless I managed to my will, to be a father under these conditions, which I tried not to lose contact with my son, although maintaining a constant ratio between a visit and one could even go up to two months . I made these sacrifices always the fear that my mother could deny the visit or find an excuse for us not to meet (but after I scaracollato 800 km trip). Fortunately, my fears did not materialize and are always able to see it!
Despite what I was signing at that time I managed to fall in love again, and above all to trust another woman, in practice, little more two years I have managed to hold the situation is remote from father to support a new emotional relationship, and after a few years I even realize his dream of marriage.
Unfortunately, following the decision to marry and start a new family adventure, the mother of my son decided that the agreements between us on how to visit and the child support that corresponds to it was not enough; so he again sued for a new case (new because the court was different from that of Turin). Why did? She says her son has been to ensure that I can continue to attend regularly. Too bad that his request before the court was:
1. sole custody to the mother (I asked for shared - 54/2006)
2. increase from 377 € to 600 € of child support for her son (at the end granted 450 + ISTAT)
3. attendance of the child for a weekend every two weeks in the city where the child lives (800 miles from my home and asked why I had a weekend every 6 weeks)
4. 10 consecutive days in summer and one week at Christmas and at Easter one (I had asked at least 15 days in the summer, then granted by the amazingly 20 court, and the weeks of Christmas and Easter)
The court, after months of investigation I authorize my child to attend at least once a month, allows me to take it with me, but travel costs are at my expense.
Just as before, even now after 7 years, I'm trying to maximize the time I spend with my son about once a month to go 800 miles to be with him in a hotel room or a residence or a farm and during TU shoulder holiday a train journey of 1600 miles to pick it up and make another trip to Turin and, more than 1600 km, to bring it back home and the mother's return (24 hours each way!). But I've always done and will do it again, although it would be more convenient for everyone that he took a plane to the nearest airport and just over an hour he would arrive at your destination: less work for me but especially less work for him (10 hours by train to a child are very long, trust me).
Now my wife and I are expecting a baby. Announcement to my ex that during the two months on the date of delivery can not be present for the first child and take the stink.
talk about all sorts of questions: the duration of the summer holidays, the presence during the weekend, the fear that I "continue" to neglect my child attend more often because the second, etc. ... In addition, there is always dancing in the threat of a new case (the sentences for child custody is never final, but may be called into question in the instance where justification to do so) and claims visits or for failure to fulfill duties as a parent.
Now I wonder: what she had in mind when he decided to live to 800 km away? He did not think the everyday parent-child has failed? Or did not care anything? And then why should rub him now? Maybe for the money? Maybe it's the free time that would have less if I could I afford to spend a weekend every so often with my son?
I sincerely hope that you will reach an agreement, that we can do so come to Turin whenever finances permit me (if we leave the current economic crisis, maybe once a month) so you can attend on a regular enough and can stay with all my family at the same time, why should I choose to stay with my first child and not pay fines and leave his wife and second son, instead of spending time together? or why should I choose not to stay with the eldest son and pay the fines rather than travel to keep him with the whole family with reduced frequency if it proves impossible to financially support the travel expenses? A plane with a guide, round trip, it costs less than 300 € and a weekend in 800km coast between 250 and 350 € depending on the housing.
Not to mention the relationship that the two would be nice to children could build over time. Brothers, not only dictated by sharing some of the human genes, but is created with the time on the basis of attendance and affection. As it will be nice to see them one day play football together in the middle of a meadow with me to do as a coach?
